you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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