Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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