Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
