Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
