I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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