I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize