Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize