i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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