I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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