Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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