This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."