You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive