Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.