I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?