The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous