please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.