just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.