on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked