I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.