Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.