The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."