Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors