Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him