Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day