I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
