You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.