First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around