You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.