Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.