Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.