I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.