When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.