so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
