On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
