Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.