You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.