I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up