I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.