I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
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I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!