I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.