So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.