Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of All Time

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.

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  (920): hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4k38
  Replies (10) Good night (639) Bad night (252)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.

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  (719): If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget. http://tfl.nu/97vy
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.

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  (203): I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do. http://tfl.nu/63i1
  Replies (5) Good night (484) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.

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  (631): You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high. http://tfl.nu/qikm
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

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  (205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6
  Replies (11) Good night (889) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.

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  (978): We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment. http://tfl.nu/8gpy
  Replies (8) Good night (1942) Bad night (251)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?

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  (+44): Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card? http://tfl.nu/fw4l
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

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  (985): Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers. (504): This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot. http://tfl.nu/gotr
  Replies (2) Good night (745) Bad night (251)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"

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  (609): pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!" http://tfl.nu/i0nq
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change

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  (702): This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change http://tfl.nu/0eyu
  Replies (1) Good night (761) Bad night (251)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

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  (210): Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often. http://tfl.nu/cowe
  Replies (14) Good night (778) Bad night (251)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.

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  (416): I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home. http://tfl.nu/62h6
  Replies (5) Good night (554) Bad night (251)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?

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  (203): We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate? http://tfl.nu/bazj
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.

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  (214): I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help. http://tfl.nu/nnry
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.

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  (281): I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman. http://tfl.nu/ux8x
  Replies (4) Good night (501) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt