i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised