Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.