Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.