Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.