I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dating After Heartbreak
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.