I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.