So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?