Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.