the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!