Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.