oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.