At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.