Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.