bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.