You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.