no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't deserve a penis
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina