did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE