we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.