Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.