she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.