Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!