I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job