i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can