dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.