The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.