Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.