Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises