Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop