She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets