I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.