I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone