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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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