Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard