she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed