I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus