I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"